I went today to drop my SD off at camp for a rafting trip I had signed up for. Upon my arrival I waited with a group of other parents. The woman heading the group noticed my eager expression and asked if I had a question. "Yes," I replied, "are we set? Can I head to work?" Upon asking my daughters name I was informed she was fourth on the waiting list.
It's amazing how quickly I went to near boiling point. "What?!" I protested. You see, I had come the day before and made sure I was there 45 minutes early for sign up to assure my child would be on that list. Basically I was informed that the papers were just handed to her in no specific order and went on the list as such.Now my blood was boiling, but a kind parent stepped up to say she would wait it out and text me.
As I drove away I thought to myself, "That's not fair!" and I began to toss around in my head this idea of "fair".
What if my idea of "fair" is not really fair? In my idea of fair, those who follow the rules get their just desserts. But this isn't really true. The Bible says in Mathew 5:45 "He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the just and the unjust." This is after Jesus gives his words on passive resistance telling us to love our enemies....
Hmmmm, well that makes sense in the way eternal things do; like how we have an inkling of the immensity of the ocean and its many wonders, but can't really comprehend it.
What if everything was really fair? What if I believed that God (or whatever your favorite pet name is) was weaving everything together in a way that benefited all beings? What if I could trust that if my kid weren't on that raft it was fair?
I decided to trust. After all, being angry and railing against reality wasn't really having a pleasant effect on my day anyway. Yes, trusting was very pleasant indeed. I felt joy return and a new kind of resilience overflowing from my being. 15 minutes later I had a text letting me know my daughter was on the raft.
Maybe we could all practice trusting a little more. Maybe you are struggling with something out of your control. I tell you, let it go! Decide to trust. Feelings are nothing more that decisions/judgments we place on things. I know big feeling are harder to overturn, but maybe we could all practice in the small moments, so that when we find ourselves in those big ones we'll be equipped to change our feelings from fear and anger to trust and love.
What do you say?